I decided to take on a project on Instagram’s newest feature, IGTV, and give it a try. Below is the transcription of episode 2. If you want to watch the video instead head over and find me @motherhoodhappened, thank you guys for always supporting me! I am looking forward from hearing from you guys your answers and any questions you think I should add! #projectlearnyou
What is your vision for the next five years?
Normally I don’t like answering questions about the future. I try my best not to think of the future or so far ahead because it tends to make me anxious in the present. I really am practicing trying to be in the present moment instead. For the sake of the question in the next five years, I definitely see my blog growing. Definitely see myself selling different products, I see myself really establishing a brand and a business.
Jet’s going to be seven at that time, so we will see what happens with school, whether I end up homeschooling him or whether he goes to a public school. Not really sure, I am thinking homeschool, PJ is not so we will see what happens on that end. I hope to definitely have a home that I can call my own at that point, we are currently just renting. Overall being more comfortable, not to say we are struggling horribly at the moment, I’m incredibly grateful that we have food in our fridge, and we have a roof over our heads, and we live in a two-bedroom apartment. My son has his own room which is pretty amazing in it of itself. I’m not complaining but I hope to be more financially comfortable five years from now so that’s something to look forward to.
It is stressful at times, depending on wherever you are, whatever “financial level” you are at there might always be some type of struggle or maybe I haven’t gotten that rich yet to know a place where you are not stressing out about money, but I hope that does fade away as your income grows.
Who are the people that believe in you?
That’s important. You definitely want to keep the people that believe in you around you. Try to stray away from the people that don’t. Unless haters motivate you, great, but if you literally feel other people’s energy put your energy down, just don’t hang around those people.
People who truly believe in me? It depends, it depends on what they believe in me about. One would say the people that are supposed to believe in you or that believe in you the most would be your parents, but I don’t think its my parents. I honestly think its PJ. I say this because the moment that I told PJ that I am no longer going to be a law student, and I am going to instead pursue more of my creative side in having a blog and really being a stay at home mom he didn’t question it. He said, “okay, I got you. I believe in you, you say you are going to do that, you’re going to do it because you always do. You always do what you say, I believe in you, you got it.” He didn’t question it, wasn’t worried, wasn’t stressed, didn’t feel like it was a bad decision, he just one hundred percent had my back.
I will never forget that. I understand parents worry especially because I was going to be the first lawyer in our family, it was big deal for me not to continue. I don’t think my mom believes what I can build or what my vision is for my brand. I don’t think she understands which is understandable because she doesn’t know any better. She doesn’t understand this day in age of social media, and how you can really make money on the internet. She doesn’t come from that so of course she is going to doubt it, which is fine again, I am not offended by it. I completely get why she has that perspective.
If I had to include others of course I would include my sisters. The second layer is definitely my sisters, they understand more because they are part of this generation and they understand more of what I’m trying to do and what I am trying to provide for you guys, so they get it. I still think they worry a little bit just because they are sisters and they always want to protect me, and I get that as well.
At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter who believes in you, it really doesn’t. As long as you believe in yourself, right? As corny as that sounds it’s really true. If no one had my back, I’m going to be fine. As long as I truly believe in what I am capable of doing, and I know what I’m capable of doing, and I know when I put my mind to something I know I always accomplish it. I know I am not going to fail at this because I am going to put my all into it.
What is one fear that you know is holding you back?
I definitely have a lot of fears. I’ve become better but man, I was such a fearful person and it held me back a lot in life. But everything happens for a reason, it got me to where I’m at now, happy for it so I’m not mad at it.
Sometimes it’s the fear of letting my family down. I think that fear can overwhelm me sometimes where I start to think maybe I should get back to the safety net of doing a “normal” career or just being a stay at home mom and not invest in my business or not invest in my brand. I definitely have this fear of disappointing my family for sure. I don’t know where that comes from. I think there are sometimes where I still tend to please other people instead of thinking of myself first and that also holds me back in certain scenarios. Maybe I had to do something else, whether it was for this, or my blog, or something else and I chose to do something for my family instead and it ended up holding me back or holding certain deadlines I had for myself because I am not putting me first.
I am working on it, but I am still definitely guilty of that fear of letting people down gets to me so much that I end up hurting myself at the end instead.
What would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you?
Not what would I do differently, but I think what I would add to my life … This is a big thing for me, as I have said before I definitely care too much about what people think of me, I think I would pick up some type of dance. For me, its always been an embarrassing thing and I avoid at all cost to be embarrassed. I get super anxious in social settings, I don’t like people looking at me which is why this (filming myself) situation is very scary for me, putting myself out there like this.
I would pick up dance because it’s something I think is so beautiful, such a beautiful art and I’ve always wanted to learn but I would feel so silly doing it. I think if I knew one hundred percent no one in the world would judge me, I think I would dance. Maybe that says a lot, maybe it’s something I need to conquer and just do whether that is taking one lesson, but I just need to dance.
If you died tomorrow, what would you regret not doing?
This is kind of sad, just thinking about it right now my natural thought is … I would regret not showing my dad enough love. I don’t want to get emotional about this but just thinking about it now I feel like I show PJ love, I show my son love, I show my mom love, I don’t think I show my dad enough love. I think I need to be better at that.
I have a different relationship with my dad than I do my mom. I speak to my mom every day, multiple times a day, especially since I became a mom myself we’ve definitely become closer. With my dad, my dad is definitely a man of few words. I love my dad like no other, if he died tomorrow I would have no idea what I would do with myself, he is my guy however, I don’t think I show my appreciation for him enough and I am realizing that now. That is something I need to work on so that is good to know.
Yeah … I think I need to show him more love, how? I am not sure, whether it is more hugs or telling him, or expressing my gratitude for him but I need to be better at that.
What would your friends and family say are your weaknesses?
For sure, being too nice. I think everyone could agree that I am sometimes, or pretty much always, too nice to people. I can kind of be the push over, or the rug everyone steps on, whatever you want to say. But you know what, at the end of the day I never regret being nice. Others may feel bad for me, or others may be like “Mary, why are you allowing other people to do xyz?” but I never regret being nice to someone. You can regret being mean to someone, but you can never regret being kind to someone and that’s just how I live my life.
I don’t think it’s a weakness, especially this past year I’ve really found the power in it and how you really do kill people with kindness. I really think that’s true. I’m happy with being kind to people. I mean if I see someone intentionally trying to literally take advantage of me, or take me for granted, I get it but I’m not really a tit for tat type of person, if someone does something mean to me I am not going to be mean back, it’s just not the person that I am. It’s not in my soul, it wouldn’t feel right.
There was a time where I was like, “you know what, I am going to stick up for myself, and I am going to do this, and I’m not going to be a people pleaser, and I’m not going to do xyz” but it just didn’t work because it wasn’t me. It didn’t feel like me and that’s just my soul, I’m just kind and I’m never going to regret it and I am not going to change it. I have tried to change, it didn’t work, not going to happen. Honestly, that would probably be the only weakness that they really think.
What is one thing that provides you mental peace?
Meditation. With meditation, I’m at peace. If I catch myself having negative thoughts, or feeling some type of way, or taking something personal when I shouldn’t have taken something personal off what someone else said or did, I meditate. It puts me at a nice balance or nice center where I can think clearly and see things for what they are. I’m just present and that’s peace for me, being purely present in the moment. What works for me, I do a lot of guided meditations so just go on YouTube, hear some guided meditations about whatever, whether that is resentment, or guilt, or just type in “guided meditations.”
That’s what really got me into it, someone able to talk to me and talk me through it. Of course, you could just sit there in silence and meditate on your own, that’s fine as well. But I think that is when I am most at peace. If I ever find myself going away from that, I’m conscious enough to know “okay Mary, you’re acting up right now, there’s no reason why you should feel this way, go meditate.” Meditation is key. It’s pretty wonderful.
What is the number one thing you intend to accomplish before you die?
I think it’s to spread the idea of unconditional love. I think there’s a lot of misconceptions about love and of course in my perspective, I hear a lot of definitions out there that don’t make sense to me. I really want to spread what unconditional love is; no attachment. Have a pure love for something, someone, or just love in general, I think it’s really important. I think spreading that is really important, I think making love cool is really important. If I could make love cool, that would be amazing. Whether that is to one person, or to five hundred people, or however many I reach before I die, that’s amazing. I think that’s a good way to end it here. Let’s end it on a positive note.
Thank you so much for watching. If you want to answer the questions, or if you have any questions for me please comment down below, use the hashtag projectlearnyou and if you have any post or videos that you make, please tag me @motherhoodhappened I would love to watch. I would love to see your responses to these questions. I always find people’s perspectives super fascinating, I love to learn about people and I love to share and engage with you guys so please tag me or use the hashtag projectlearnyou. Thank you so much for watching again, bye!