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Hard Questions to Ask Yourself Epi 2 #projectlearnyou

08/11/2018

Check out these Hard Questions to Yourself Episode 1 #projectlearnyou #learn #mindfulness #mindset #love_yourself #meditation #selfcare #selflove

Hey friends!

I decided to take on a project on Instagram’s newest feature, IGTV, and give it a try. Below is the transcription of episode 2. If you want to watch the video instead head over and find me @motherhoodhappened, thank you guys for always supporting me! I am looking forward from hearing from you guys your answers and any questions you think I should add! #projectlearnyou

Episode 2

What is your vision for the next five years?

Normally I don’t like answering questions about the future. I try my best not to think of the future or so far ahead because it tends to make me anxious in the present. I really am practicing trying to be in the present moment instead. For the sake of the question in the next five years, I definitely see my blog growing. Definitely see myself selling different products, I see myself really establishing a brand and a business.

Jet’s going to be seven at that time, so we will see what happens with school, whether I end up homeschooling him or whether he goes to a public school. Not really sure, I am thinking homeschool, PJ is not so we will see what happens on that end. I hope to definitely have a home that I can call my own at that point, we are currently just renting. Overall being more comfortable, not to say we are struggling horribly at the moment, I’m incredibly grateful that we have food in our fridge, and we have a roof over our heads, and we live in a two-bedroom apartment. My son has his own room which is pretty amazing in it of itself. I’m not complaining but I hope to be more financially comfortable five years from now so that’s something to look forward to.

It is stressful at times, depending on wherever you are, whatever “financial level” you are at there might always be some type of struggle or maybe I haven’t gotten that rich yet to know a place where you are not stressing out about money, but I hope that does fade away as your income grows.

Who are the people that believe in you?

That’s important. You definitely want to keep the people that believe in you around you. Try to stray away from the people that don’t. Unless haters motivate you, great, but if you literally feel other people’s energy put your energy down, just don’t hang around those people.

People who truly believe in me? It depends, it depends on what they believe in me about. One would say the people that are supposed to believe in you or that believe in you the most would be your parents, but I don’t think its my parents. I honestly think its PJ. I say this because the moment that I told PJ that I am no longer going to be a law student, and I am going to instead pursue more of my creative side in having a blog and really being a stay at home mom he didn’t question it. He said, “okay, I got you. I believe in you, you say you are going to do that, you’re going to do it because you always do. You always do what you say, I believe in you, you got it.” He didn’t question it, wasn’t worried, wasn’t stressed, didn’t feel like it was a bad decision, he just one hundred percent had my back.

I will never forget that. I understand parents worry especially because I was going to be the first lawyer in our family, it was big deal for me not to continue. I don’t think my mom believes what I can build or what my vision is for my brand. I don’t think she understands which is understandable because she doesn’t know any better. She doesn’t understand this day in age of social media, and how you can really make money on the internet. She doesn’t come from that so of course she is going to doubt it, which is fine again, I am not offended by it. I completely get why she has that perspective.

If I had to include others of course I would include my sisters. The second layer is definitely my sisters, they understand more because they are part of this generation and they understand more of what I’m trying to do and what I am trying to provide for you guys, so they get it. I still think they worry a little bit just because they are sisters and they always want to protect me, and I get that as well.

At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter who believes in you, it really doesn’t. As long as you believe in yourself, right? As corny as that sounds it’s really true. If no one had my back, I’m going to be fine. As long as I truly believe in what I am capable of doing, and I know what I’m capable of doing, and I know when I put my mind to something I know I always accomplish it. I know I am not going to fail at this because I am going to put my all into it.

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What is one fear that you know is holding you back?

I definitely have a lot of fears. I’ve become better but man, I was such a fearful person and it held me back a lot in life. But everything happens for a reason, it got me to where I’m at now, happy for it so I’m not mad at it.

Sometimes it’s the fear of letting my family down. I think that fear can overwhelm me sometimes where I start to think maybe I should get back to the safety net of doing a “normal” career or just being a stay at home mom and not invest in my business or not invest in my brand. I definitely have this fear of disappointing my family for sure. I don’t know where that comes from. I think there are sometimes where I still tend to please other people instead of thinking of myself first and that also holds me back in certain scenarios. Maybe I had to do something else, whether it was for this, or my blog, or something else and I chose to do something for my family instead and it ended up holding me back or holding certain deadlines I had for myself because I am not putting me first.

I am working on it, but I am still definitely guilty of that fear of letting people down gets to me so much that I end up hurting myself at the end instead.

What would you do differently if you knew no one would judge you?

Not what would I do differently, but I think what I would add to my life … This is a big thing for me, as I have said before I definitely care too much about what people think of me, I think I would pick up some type of dance. For me, its always been an embarrassing thing and I avoid at all cost to be embarrassed. I get super anxious in social settings, I don’t like people looking at me which is why this (filming myself) situation is very scary for me, putting myself out there like this.

I would pick up dance because it’s something I think is so beautiful, such a beautiful art and I’ve always wanted to learn but I would feel so silly doing it. I think if I knew one hundred percent no one in the world would judge me, I think I would dance. Maybe that says a lot, maybe it’s something I need to conquer and just do whether that is taking one lesson, but I just need to dance.

If you died tomorrow, what would you regret not doing?

This is kind of sad, just thinking about it right now my natural thought is … I would regret not showing my dad enough love. I don’t want to get emotional about this but just thinking about it now I feel like I show PJ love, I show my son love, I show my mom love, I don’t think I show my dad enough love. I think I need to be better at that.

I have a different relationship with my dad than I do my mom. I speak to my mom every day, multiple times a day, especially since I became a mom myself we’ve definitely become closer. With my dad, my dad is definitely a man of few words. I love my dad like no other, if he died tomorrow I would have no idea what I would do with myself, he is my guy however, I don’t think I show my appreciation for him enough and I am realizing that now. That is something I need to work on so that is good to know.

Yeah … I think I need to show him more love, how? I am not sure, whether it is more hugs or telling him, or expressing my gratitude for him but I need to be better at that.

What would your friends and family say are your weaknesses?

For sure, being too nice. I think everyone could agree that I am sometimes, or pretty much always, too nice to people. I can kind of be the push over, or the rug everyone steps on, whatever you want to say. But you know what, at the end of the day I never regret being nice. Others may feel bad for me, or others may be like “Mary, why are you allowing other people to do xyz?” but I never regret being nice to someone. You can regret being mean to someone, but you can never regret being kind to someone and that’s just how I live my life.

I don’t think it’s a weakness, especially this past year I’ve really found the power in it and how you really do kill people with kindness. I really think that’s true. I’m happy with being kind to people. I mean if I see someone intentionally trying to literally take advantage of me, or take me for granted, I get it but I’m not really a tit for tat type of person, if someone does something mean to me I am not going to be mean back, it’s just not the person that I am. It’s not in my soul, it wouldn’t feel right.

There was a time where I was like, “you know what, I am going to stick up for myself, and I am going to do this, and I’m not going to be a people pleaser, and I’m not going to do xyz” but it just didn’t work because it wasn’t me. It didn’t feel like me and that’s just my soul, I’m just kind and I’m never going to regret it and I am not going to change it. I have tried to change, it didn’t work, not going to happen. Honestly, that would probably be the only weakness that they really think.

What is one thing that provides you mental peace?

Meditation. With meditation, I’m at peace. If I catch myself having negative thoughts, or feeling some type of way, or taking something personal when I shouldn’t have taken something personal off what someone else said or did, I meditate. It puts me at a nice balance or nice center where I can think clearly and see things for what they are. I’m just present and that’s peace for me, being purely present in the moment. What works for me, I do a lot of guided meditations so just go on YouTube, hear some guided meditations about whatever, whether that is resentment, or guilt, or just type in “guided meditations.”

That’s what really got me into it, someone able to talk to me and talk me through it. Of course, you could just sit there in silence and meditate on your own, that’s fine as well. But I think that is when I am most at peace. If I ever find myself going away from that, I’m conscious enough to know “okay Mary, you’re acting up right now, there’s no reason why you should feel this way, go meditate.” Meditation is key. It’s pretty wonderful.

What is the number one thing you intend to accomplish before you die?

I think it’s to spread the idea of unconditional love. I think there’s a lot of misconceptions about love and of course in my perspective, I hear a lot of definitions out there that don’t make sense to me. I really want to spread what unconditional love is; no attachment. Have a pure love for something, someone, or just love in general, I think it’s really important. I think spreading that is really important, I think making love cool is really important. If I could make love cool, that would be amazing. Whether that is to one person, or to five hundred people, or however many I reach before I die, that’s amazing. I think that’s a good way to end it here. Let’s end it on a positive note.

Thank you so much for watching. If you want to answer the questions, or if you have any questions for me please comment down below, use the hashtag projectlearnyou and if you have any post or videos that you make, please tag me @motherhoodhappened I would love to watch. I would love to see your responses to these questions. I always find people’s perspectives super fascinating, I love to learn about people and I love to share and engage with you guys so please tag me or use the hashtag projectlearnyou. Thank you so much for watching again, bye!

As always, thank you so much for reading! If I provided value to you and you want to support my work, please head over to my Patreon here. For $5 a month you can directly help me continue providing content for you! 

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Hi there, friend! I'm Mary and I'm delighted you came across my blog! I take joy in connecting, and sharing my experiences with others to provide value to anyone I can. My story is a rough one but it is also one that turned positive and I hope it can help others. We may cry, we may laugh but what I can guarantee is growth. I write about food, fitness, mindfulness, self-awareness, and overall things I have learned to become the best version of myself.

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✨So you are ready to change. You have the discip ✨So you are ready to change. You have the discipline, you have the motivation, you have your goals, you know what you have to do. However, you begin to realize the people around you are not happy with the changes you have made or about to make. ⁣
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✨This happens more often than you think. Others are so used to you being a certain way so when that begins to change they begin to push back. It may not be ill intentioned but it does happen. ⁣
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✨Acknowledge that there may be pushback, be prepared for it, and keep pushing towards your goals. People adjust and if people do not adjust to your change, do not allow that to stop you from your path of bettering yourself. You know what is best for you, be confident in that. ⁣
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✨I felt like the biggest failure when the father ✨I felt like the biggest failure when the father of my child and I separated. It was a really rough part of my life and I went through some of the hardest moments of my life. ⁣
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✨There was such a huge sense of failure I just could not shake. The relationship ended because of some issues he had to deal with as an individual but I could not help but continuously blame myself. ⁣
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✨I felt like I failed as a partner, I failed as a mother, I failed to keep my family together, I felt like I failed at life. ⁣
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✨It took a while to detach myself from that kind of thinking but it was liberating when I finally did. ⁣
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✨Just because the relationship was broken, it does not mean you are broken (even though sometimes it feels like it), just because the relationship failed it does NOT mean you are a failure. ⁣
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✨Detach your identity from the experience you went through. Seek professional help if needed, but please debunk your own thought, you are not a failure. Pick yourself up and take the lessons from the relationship.
✨Sometimes things are unclear in a relationship. ✨Sometimes things are unclear in a relationship. Sometimes there is a miscommunication. Maybe you are in a middle spot between dating and exclusivity. ⁣
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✨I know there are times I have felt insecure about asking for clarification. Sometimes you can feel nervous to ask about where you stand. Sometimes things are unclear when there is an argument. ⁣
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✨You shouldn't feel "needy" or "too much" when asking to clarify something. Many times issues come about when we do not ask for clarification. ⁣
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✨Ask questions in your relationships. If you are unsure about something, ask! We are curious beings, it is okay to question things for knowledge, peace of mind, and or safety.⁣
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Let me know below if you have dealt with feeling "needy" asking for clarification! ❤
✨Can we normalize celebrating ourselves without ✨Can we normalize celebrating ourselves without seeming like we are full of ourselves? Why is that seen as being of ourselves anyway? ⁣
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✨You should be proud of your accomplishments. This world is freaking tough at times, and the fact that you are not only surviving but SUCCEEDING (whatever success means to you) is amazing and should be celebrated!⁣
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✨No waiting for others to celebrate you, celebrate yourself! 💃
✨Not feeling good about yourself stems from mult ✨Not feeling good about yourself stems from multiple areas. For me, it is often picking my body apart. ⁣
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✨I have some loose skin from my pregnancy, I have discoloration or hyperpigmentation in some areas, and yes I ABSOLUTELY have cellulite. Oh yeah I forgot to add dealing with acne at times (frustrating!) ⁣
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✨I would be lying if I said those things do not bother me. They do at times. They do the times I focus on them and focus on them with a lens of negativity. ⁣
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✨These things do not make me more or less of a worthy individual and that is what I have to keep in mind. ⁣
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✨We have to do a better job valuing ourselves and that includes valuing our bodies too. My skin protects me from so much yet I find myself often mad at it. ⁣
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✨My skin, my body, my appearance do NOT make me or you worthy as an individual.
✨Caring what others think feels like my identity ✨Caring what others think feels like my identity at times because it feels like I have always allowed what others say and think affect me. But it's not my identity nor is it yours. ⁣
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✨You do NOT have to allow what others think or say affect you. It is easier said than done, trust me I get it. ⁣
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✨However, I do think there are small steps we can do to start. Let's get to know ourselves better. ⁣
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✨I believe the times we struggle are the times we are most disconnected with ourselves. ⁣
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✨Keep your values in mind, know or learn your interests and be confident about them, and last but definitely not least is to become comfortable without all the noise. Sitting in silence alone is probably the scariest but most peaceful things I get to do. Spend some time with yourself. ⁣
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Let me know down in the comments if you agree! ❤
We often think we have to one thing or the other. We often think we have to one thing or the other. We don't. You can be amazing right at this moment AND still be a work in progress. You can be caring AND selfish. You can be a multitude of things. ⁣
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Don't allow yourself or others to place you into a box of rigidness. ⁣
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✨You won't thrive in rigidness. ⁣
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Get comfortable with having dualities or having different elements and parts to you. We are not ONE thing, we are ALL things and that is okay. ⁣
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I know there are times I catch myself invalidating my experiences of being hopeful for example because my anxieties kick through and I am being cautious about the same thing. I shouldn't downplay my moments of hope (which is super important) because I am also incredibly scared. I can be hopeful and scared. ⁣
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Learning to flow between two spaces and accepting both spaces creates moments of being content. Allow yourself the permission to experience all things and be all things. Don't let others tell you otherwise. ⁣
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❤ What are some dualities you have experienced recently? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!
If you felt lonely and not good enough in 2020, le If you felt lonely and not good enough in 2020, lets start the year with a different mindset. ⁣
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You ARE worthy. You ARE worthy of love. You ARE enough. ⁣
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If you have to repeat it to yourself 20 times a day, do so because it is the truth.⁣
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I know there are moments of loneliness and defeat where it does not feel true but know that it is. Your sense of worthiness must come from within, no one will ever fill that void for you. ⁣
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No one "worthy" will find you worthy if you do not begin valuing yourself. ⁣
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You got this! ⁣
Remember you are special too.⁣ Remember you are special too.⁣
You absolutely can and will. Believe that, work, a You absolutely can and will. Believe that, work, and see how things change. ⁣
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You got this!⁣
We often view being productive as something we sho We often view being productive as something we should aspire to be every single day. I know many of us feel bad or guilty when we are not what we usually deem to be productive. ⁣
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It is okay to relax. It is okay to get absolutely nothing accomplished today. There is a balance to life. There is room for productivity and room to relax. Make space for both and do not feel guilty about it. ⁣

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#treatyourselfwell # #youareworthy #singlemomlife #singlemom #singleparent #singlemother #singlemomstrong #selfcarequotes #selflovetips #selflovefirst #womenempoweringwomen
I think we often forget this. People are not alway I think we often forget this. People are not always going to agree with us. It is okay for us to not like that feeling. We want to be understood, and we want others to agree with us. ⁣
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However, both being kind and disagreeing with someone can exist together. ⁣
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With family and friend gatherings (whether in person or through zoom) comes debates and disagreements in regard to many things. ⁣
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Shifting our perspective to appreciating disagreements instead of disliking them could help manage our feelings better in the moments of disagreements. ⁣
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Have an amazing day!⁣
We compare ourselves to others often, especially d We compare ourselves to others often, especially during the holidays. We can be happy for others while also being a bit down that we don't have that certain thing. Maybe it is a pregnancy, an engagement, a new home, or even a new job. ⁣
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Whatever it is know that just because someone else currently has it or is experiencing it, that in itself does NOT mean you can not experience it one day. ⁣
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I know it is difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel sometimes but do not give up, be patient, and continue working towards your goals and desires. ⁣
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You got this girl!⁣
I think most families can relate to something on t I think most families can relate to something on this list. Families are not perfect nor will they ever be but that does not mean you should not stand up for yourself when something does not sit well with you.⁣
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You don't want to make things awkward, don't want to disrupt or bother? ⁣
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I get it, I think the same way. I am the pleaser, the peacemaker. ⁣
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But as I learn more and grow I am realizing how important it is to stick up for myself. ⁣
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If a question or comment bothers you, speak on it. It is okay to have feelings and have your feelings heard if you so choose. ⁣
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Of course, there are respectful and healthy ways of communicating but DO NOT dismiss your feelings or your desire to be your own advocate. ⁣
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I know it is harder to do with loved ones because frankly, loved ones are the ones that hurt us the most because we care so much about what they think and say. ⁣
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That said, be really conscious and perhaps practice responses before the holiday party. I think we usually know what others are going to pick at us for because it usually is the same thing over and over again. Practice sticking up for yourself, you got this!
Families do not all look the same. We have differe Families do not all look the same. We have different kinds of relationships that may not be "picture perfect" and that is okay. Especially during these times many jump to the assumption that we all have "normal" families (whatever that means). ⁣
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But we are complex people and with that comes complex relationships with one another. Don't be ashamed for not having the relationship people expect you to have. ⁣
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If you want to work on these relationships then great but if you do not want to that's alright too. Don't let others shame you for not having a great relationship with a parent, a sibling, being separated and having a coparenting relationship, whatever is "out of the norm."⁣
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Protect your soul and know that no one family is perfect.
Believe this to be true, because it is. There are Believe this to be true, because it is. There are moments we feel like we can not go on because we are not good enough, smart enough, or strong enough. ⁣
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But you are. Do NOT quit and keep going. This hardship is not going to last forever even though it may seem like it presently. Everything comes to end whether it is good or bad. ⁣
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Know that you ARE strong enough to handle the day, you got this! If I have to keep reminding you that you are ... I will :) ⁣
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Love, Mary ❤
Your mindset has such a MASSIVE influence on how y Your mindset has such a MASSIVE influence on how your day goes. Yes, there are outside influences or external reasons for our days to go to shit (I definitely know this haha) but really taking advantage of the things we do have control over (our minds) can be tremendous. ⁣
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Start this week having a positive mindset and see how your perspective affects your day. Our minds are powerful, let's care for them and use them well! You got this!⁣
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Love, Mary ❤
With the holiday season comes family times and it With the holiday season comes family times and it is usually presented or known as a positive and beautiful time, which it can be. But that is not the case for everyone. ⁣
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Coming together may mean facing uncomfortable realities or truths we may not be ready to deal with or forgive yet. ⁣
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I think many of us also think we have forgiven a situation or a person when we really have not. (I definitely have!) ⁣
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It is not an easy task to accomplish but with some time and work it can be done. ⁣
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Which one resonates with you the most? ⁣
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Love, Mary ❤
Taking care of yourself as a mom is at times diffi Taking care of yourself as a mom is at times difficult if I am honest. We are so used to putting our little ones or even other adults before us. It comes naturally to us. ⁣
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With that said, I do think it is CRUCIAL to take care of ourselves as moms especially because others rely on us but we are individuals too that ALSO need caring!⁣
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These 4 ways to take care of yourself as a mom are things we would prioritize for kids, so let's prioritize it for us too!⁣
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⭐Nourishing our bodies: eating foods to energize us and treat our bodies well ⁣
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⭐Practice good sleep hygiene: create a nighttime routine you can stick to and is realistic in order to get the peaceful sleep you need every night⁣
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⭐Heal emotionally: take care of your emotional health, many times we have no idea how much this affects our lives subconsciously or subliminally ⁣
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⭐Build and sustain relationships: making new relationships and sustaining old ones are super important. As humans we need one another, relationships are incredibly important to us. Making sure to set aside some time to foster those will aid in taking care of yourself. ⁣
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What are some additional ways you take care of yourself? Let me know!!⁣
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Love, Mary ❤
How to get over a breakup fast, is it possible?! ⁣
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New YouTube video is now live. I react to one of @tatycokley videos which is amazing! I love her spirit in this video but I break down her tips on moving forward after a break up. ⁣

Link in bio.
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How fast do you think one can move past or get over a breakup?? ⁣
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#breakupssucks #breakupmotivation #breakupstatus #breakupadvice #breakupcoach #breakuprecovery #breakupthoughts #breakupsarehard #breakupstory #breakups #reactionsvideos #reactionvideo #reactionvids #youtubecommunity #youtubelife #howtogetoverabreakup #gettingoverhim #gettingoverabreakup #movingontobetterthings
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