Today I wanted to take the time and answer frequently asked questions about single moms I found across the web. Not only did I want to have the dialogue with myself, but I want to invite my single moms out there to answer these questions as well. Challenge yourself and see where you stand on these questions. I would love to start a conversation in the comments down below!
What is a single mom?
I was hesitant with this post because there are lots of definitions of what a single mom is. I have come across multiple definitions. I don’t think there’s one clear answer everyone will or can agree to but to me, I would consider myself a single mom because I’m not married, I’m not partnered romantically with the father of my child therefore, I would consider myself a single mom.
I can understand how others may not perceive me to be a single mom because his dad is part of his life and does provide for Jet and I. I know I get help, which I am grateful for, but I would still consider myself a single mom. I’m a mom that is single.
Is it hard being a single mom?
Short answer yes.
It is most definitely hard to be a single mom. Well … it has its ups and downs.
Of course, being a single mom is difficult especially if you’re doing it COMPLETELY on your own. Kudos to those moms, you’re a freaking goddess, really.
I can’t even imagine that world, so much respect for any momma in that scenario. Know that you are amazing and doing an amazing job.
A single mom has to play both the roles of mom and dad. You try your best to guide your child in the best way you possibly can and know how. You doubt yourself sometimes because if you are the only one making decisions for your child, you don’t necessarily have someone else to bounce ideas off of or sometimes you aren’t a hundred percent certain on something that you did.
There are a lot of moments where you wish the dad was around to help in a certain situation. At the end of the day, you get it handled and you just have to forgive yourself for things you think that you may have done wrong.
Do you feel bad your son doesn’t have a “normal” family?
No, I don’t feel bad one bit and here’s why.
I’m happy that things turned out the way they did because it’s a teachable moment.
I am able to teach my son what love is, what teamwork is, what a partnership is without having the romance or the sexual intimacy related to it. He gets to see two people really working together towards an overall goal and I think that’s really special.
For sure at first, when we were first separating, I FREAKED out about the idea of my son dealing with his parents not being together in that manner. I thought it was the worst thing ever.
But once I worked out through my issues and figured out why I felt that way, I realized that he’s fine. If anything, this is a better route than where we were back then. I’m happy everything turned out exactly the way it did.
Do you want to find a boyfriend or husband?
No, I don’t. I have no urge to do that right now.
It may or may not change in five years but as of today, I have no desire to find a boyfriend or husband.
I don’t have the desire to be serious with someone when I have no desire to grow something with them if that makes sense. I don’t want to drag someone along where I know there is no end.
If I don’t see myself growing a family with another person, I don’t see the point in being serious with that person at this point in my life.
I’m open to casually go out on a date here and there but to actually have a boyfriend or husband wouldn’t feel right to me. I do not feel any kind of void as if I need or want to grow a family with someone else, therefore, I do not pursue people.
What does a single mom want in a boyfriend?
If I was in the position where I would want one, the first thing I would look for is seeing if they could handle my situation and that being, of course, my family; PJ and Jet.
I know it is not a common thought but any man that I allow in my life in that way has to be secure within themselves and understand why they will always be number two in my eyes to both my son and my son’s father. If they do not understand then we have no future.
Will a single mom ever find love?
Absolutely yes. There are guys out there ladies. There are guys out there that will definitely be interested in you, don’t give up hope.
Don’t think just because you’re a mom you’re not wanted or desired, that’s absolutely not true.
If anything, there are guys out there that specifically look for moms because they either they’re at an older age, are ready to settle down, or they are attracted to the responsibilities that a mother has.
I know when I was more open to going on dates here and there, there were guys that actually appreciated the fact that I was a mom and I care so much about my son because either 1) they found my maturity attractive or 2) it could because they think to themselves I like the way she handles her family, if I ever want to have a family with her one day she would treat our family in a similar fashion.
Don’t be discouraged because you’re a mom as if there are no choices out there for you.
You just have to one be patient and also make the effort. Hear me out, it’s about a balance.
I wouldn’t recommend being OBSESSED with the idea of having and needing to find someone quickly but also do not sit around not making an effort thinking that you’re going to find the man of your dreams.
Have some girl’s night out or sign up for dating apps, whatever you choose to do but be open but also don’t be overly obsessed about it either. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.
Do you want more kids?
Yes, I definitely want more kids. I don’t know in what manner I will have them in, but I do want more. I have been interested in adoption for a while so that may be a route I take one day when I am financially stable.
We will see what life has in store for me.
Do you still talk to your in-laws?
I was not married but I will call them in-laws.
Yes, I still talk to PJ’s mom. I never met his dad so that’s out of the question but I still keep in contact with his side of the family because they’re still family, they’re still my family.
Even though we were never married or because we are no longer together, it doesn’t mean that I have to stop speaking to them, I mean that’s my son’s grandmother.
To me, it doesn’t make sense to disconnect myself in that manner. I only have the most respect and love for her because she essentially gave me PJ. Without PJ I would not have Jet so I will forever be grateful for her.
I think it’s okay to talk to your in-laws especially if you already had a comfortable and open relationship when you were together with your ex, I don’t see anything wrong with it. If they want to continue talking to you and you want to continue talking to them, I say why not.
Last question, do you take time to take care of yourself?
Yes and no.
I’m guilty of not doing things such as getting pedicures and manicures. I’m not really good on all that but I do try my best in things that I prioritize such as going to the gym, meditating, or working on my blog.
I am not the best in taking care of myself, I know I have to do better. I think as moms, in general, we worry so much about others it’s our nature that by the end of the night we just want to sleep. I will try to consciously make an effort this year.
That’s it ladies! I hope this was enjoyable to read : ) Please let me know in the comments below your thoughts on any of these questions or if you have any more!